Where Did I Put My Tiara

The life unglamorous . . .

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Location: Utah, United States

see biography at http://www.marjoriejones.com

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Fingernails and Puttin' on Airs

My mother lives in a 5th Wheel.  Well, so does my father, who will celebrate marriage to my mother for hmmm... I think it'll be 40 years, next June.  But I digress... the point is, they live in a camper.  A few years ago, they sold everything (and I mean everything) and bought a King-cab, diesel, duelly, full length F350 pick up truck and a 36 (I think) foot 5th Wheel with three slide-out expander things.  It's a very nice 5th wheel, but when the sun sets on the hitch every night, it's still a camper.  They spend their days traveling the country... dad behind the wheel and mother snapping pictures with her digital camera.  It's a life choice, and personally, I always knew they were hippies.  Free spirits.  Maybe a little nutz, but that's okay because they've certainly earned it.
Point number 2.  I recently started wearing manicured nails again.  I haven't worried about my nails pretty much since I started writing full time because I can't type on my laptop with long nails.  But my laptop keyboard is kaput, so I have to use an external keyboard, and I can wear nails again.  I like to wear nails because they make me feel a little glamourous.  I don't wear the active square length.  Nope, I go for the realllly loooong glamour tips that curve over, then cut them down to the perfect length for me.  Sexy and strong... that's my motto.
It's all about the glamour.
Now to my point.  Last night I stopped by my friend Judy's birthday party for about an hour.  It was party night at her friend's house.  He is an underground miner (you know, like Loretta Lynn's daddy), and he's a bachelor.  I wasn't expecting a gorgeous home and a gormet feast.  That'll learn me to stereotype, right?  So, here I am, looking glamourous with my new nails and my hair 'just so', while Judy and I are talking with a couple of her other friends I hadn't met before when our host lays out a few platters of appetizers.  Deviled Eggs (can't do a party without them) and olives, of course.  Then a bowl of marinated shrimp wrapped with bacon slices with a Chile dipping sauce.  My daughter had about 20 of them.  But I don't do shrimp.  Then a platter with tiny little rolled Anchovies, shredded crab meat (not imitation), and steamed oysters.  In the middle, a tiny black jar. 
Heather opens the jar and immediately replaces the lid.  "Mom?" she asks, "Why is there bait on the table?"
Yep.  Caviar.  I just couldn't do it.  I'm sorry.  I'm not a seafood kinda girl anyway, but fish eggs?  So my point is, I discovered I'm not a glamour girl afterall.  I'm a Tony's Pizza Roll kinda girl.
When asked why I wasn't eating any Caviar, I simply replied, "I can't.  It's against the law.  My mother lives in a 5th Wheel."
Thanks, Mom!


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